Archives for the month of: October, 2015

12-week ultrasound!

Yesterday morning, Catherine and I went to the hospital for my 12-week ultrasound. Everything looked great!  The baby is measuring perfectly according to my due date – May 7 – and it’s heart rate is just right. It was very active, jumping around and kicking and rolling. I loved seeing that.

Catherine was super in to the whole thing. She watched the screen intently, asking so many questions and excitedly pointing out when the baby moved. The ultrasound technician gave her five photos of the baby, and Catherine took them to school for the day and showed everyone “her baby.”

Later that evening, on the train ride home, she told a stranger “I’m gonna be a big sister!” and pointed at my belly and said “The baby is in there, growing and growing and growing!”

First Trimester Sickness

I’m thrilled the baby is healthy. But I am at my breaking point with the morning all-day sickness. Being at work all day has become so difficult I want to cry. You know that kind of sick where you wanna crawl under the covers and shake? That’s how I feel almost 24-7. And I’ve gotten increasingly desperate for a break from it.

The really awesome thing

Now that I think about it, it is a VERY good think I’m getting this first trimester over now. That means I will be able to enjoy the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays and all the fun activities and food that goes with it! I mean, I can’t imagine being this sick over the holidays! I wouldn’t even get to enjoy them at all! Instead, this will all be behind me and I can have fun with our families, play with my nieces and nephews and Catherine, make holiday crafts, go shopping and wrap gifts, see Santa, bake cookies, and feast all winter long because I’ll be in my second trimester and feeling amazing. I can do this.


Hi Baby,

We’re 11 weeks tomorrow. I’m still not feeling well. But as far as I know, you’re still hanging on strong – which makes it beyond worth it.

I feel in awe of you already for being so strong and resilient and growing despite all my fears.

You’re due the day before Mother’s Day. Catherine was born the morning after her due date. Maybe you will be too. You’ll be the ultimate gift!

Until next week – when your dad, sister, and I get to see you on the ultrasound,


Your Mommy

Catherine is exuberant, outgoing, and has a sharp sense of humor. She gets sarcasm and she can take plenty of good-natured ribbing. She knows how to hang with the grownups, as I guess first children do.

She’s also incredibly loving. She wants to be as close to you as possible, get up in your face, look into your eyes, give you kisses and snuggle. She notices others’ feelings and responds with empathy and concern and love. She’s been this way her whole life. Even on the playground at a young age she would intervene when another child was crying and do her best to cheer him up.

She likes art and kicking a ball more than baby dolls, but she loves a good princess movie while wearing a princess dress and singing along. With passion.

This baby will have it’s own personality. It will be different from Catherine, slightly, or dramatically. Maybe it will be shy, or maybe it will prefer not to be held too tightly. Whatever it is, I can’t wait to get to know it. I have heard many moms on mommy blogs confess to worrying they wouldn’t love the second child as much as the first. I understand this is a real feeling many people grapple with. I know that sometimes the baby is born and they realize their fears were for nothing right away or in time, or sometimes they always do struggle to connect with the child as they did with the first. But I don’t worry about this at all. Maybe it’s because we spaced our children farther apart – they’ll be four years apart – but I am ready for this baby and I already love it and accept it for whoever it is.

I also don’t worry much about how it will affect my relationship with Catherine. I’ve always loved spending time with her, especially when we take our morning outings to get coffee and biscotti and play outside or whatever. It’s our thing. Because Catherine will be older, I think this baby will just be a welcome addition to our outings, someone we’ll enjoy together.

With a new baby coming, though, I just need to make sure I spend some time thinking of how I’ll respond to them both thoughtfully during stressful times, rather than reacting. I find that since I’ve become a full-time working mom, I’ve had much less time to devote to researching and planning how I will parent – and I think my parenting has suffered because of it. Short on time, I find myself less patient and more reactive. I need to get back to putting careful thought and consideration into how I parent. It makes such a difference and is so, so very worth it.

Bye for now!

I really don’t know what I’m going to talk about right now, but I have a rare opportunity to ramble on this blog and I want to enjoy it.

Catherine’s school is closed today, so Chris has her this morning while I work from a coffee shop close by, then I’ll have her in the afternoon.

I’m waiting on some feedback from work, so I don’t really have anything to do, which is a bit of a relief right now because I need every break I can get. The second trimester I will be such a different, less complain-y person – I swear!

My co-workers now know how I’ve been feeling. And I can’t help but feel apologetic. I think they must think I’m a whiner. I want to tell them that’s not who I am.

But I have whined and complained and felt like I was being tortured having to sit up at my desk at two o’clock in the afternoon when I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I think I could do it for a week. But eight weeks wears on you.

Yawn, snore!

I know! Let’s do one of those pregnancy run down things.

Total weight gain: None. I’ve lost six pounds. That’s normal for the first trimester, the pounds will come in the second trimester when I can eat normally again.

Pregnancy symptoms: Um. I believe we’ve covered this. 🙂

How big is the baby: Baby is a prune! Or a kumquat. Take your pick.

Sleep: As exhausted as I am all of the time, I’ve actually been having a little trouble sleeping at night. I get in bed around nine and pass out – usually – but I wake up in the middle of the night feeling anxious.

Sex: We don’t know. We’re thinking about whether or not we’ll find out or let it be a surprise until birth.

Maternity clothes: Not even close, but by the end of the day I unbutton my top pants button. I know this isn’t fat, because I’ve lost weight, so it is either me showing earlier than normal or just strange bloating. I really didn’t enjoy belly bands last pregnancy, so I’m hoping to go as long as possible before resorting to them. I will probably buy maternity jeans this time around. I managed without them last pregnancy, but it gets warm later in NYC, plus I’m due earlier in spring than with Catherine, so I’ll probably need some.

Movement: Now, of course they say there’s no way to feel movement this early. But I feel all kinds of weird movement this time. I am sure it’s the movement of other things, like my digestive system or blood pumping or something. But things seem to be changing and kicking into gear sooner this time, I guess because my body knows what to do and is doing it sooner? Ligaments stretching sooner this time, and so on.

Food cravings: None. I eat what doesn’t make me throw up.

What I miss: Nothing! I’m happy to be pregnant; I wanted this badly and I knew feeling like crap the first trimester was part of it! So to say I miss my energy or not feeling like blah would be like duh. I will say that I miss my morning runs by the Hudson. So pretty. I hope to resume them when the sickness lets up.

What I’m looking forward to: Second trimester. Shopping some for the baby. Our trip to Salem in 2 weeks. And visits home to spend time with our families!!!!!

Best moment of the week: Last week, the doctor’s call after my MRI, that told me I didn’t need surgery. And on Saturday, hanging out at the park with Catherine and Chris and Chris’s friend Anthony who came to the city from Alabama. The weather was perfect, and I was feeling good for a couple of hours! Then Catherine and I went and loaded up the stroller with pumpkins of all sizes, shapes, and colors from the farmers market, plus colorful maize, apples, and pears.