What’s new, you say? You are always emotional, Helen.  Actually, I am always kind of overly sentimental in my writing, but I needed to pop in for a second and give you some more emotional content.

My baby sister’s wedding was this weekend. I have so many emotions around that I don’t even know where to begin.  Right now she’s on her honeymoon and I hope she knows how much she is loved and how special she is to me.  I hope her day was all she dreamed it would be.

The baby’s due date is in 2 weeks and 3 days.  I feel like Meeks when he is on a leash and I’m pulling him and he is determined he won’t go there so he is sitting on his butt with his front legs braced and digging into the dirt to stop moving towards the inevitable.

Pregnancy is easy.  Okay, not the first trimester.  But for me, the second and third trimesters have consisted of dreaming about an imaginary future child who I don’t actually have to take care of yet (besides some simple things like not getting drunk).  That and shopping for things I don’t have to spend my money on (because other people buy it all for me).  Decorating a nursery with no screaming baby and no dirty diapers in the diaper pail.  Getting tons of attention and special treatment (I hear that goes away once the baby is here).  Not having to worry about sucking in my stomach after a big meal.  Growing closer and closer to Chris because we’re in this together (yet there’s no baby to keep us from spontaneous dinners out and vegging on the sofa at night).  And so on.

I have always reacted to change with this kind of sadness and nostalgia for the old life I’m saying goodbye to, and this is no different.  I just feel like I’m loosing a very familiar and dear friend.

At the same time, I love my baby so deeply already, and she is only a surreal idea…the only evidence of her being my huge belly and her squirming movements.  She is trying to get out, twisting and jabbing me and inching closer to freedom.  I don’t want to let my baby go, I want to keep her this close to me forever.  So I guess I’m already a Mommy.

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